Tom channels Rodney King and asks “Can’t we all get along?”

Despite the highly effective  efforts of the Re-set Specialist and the old Wind Surfer/VietNam Protester, we have a few conflicts going on in the world.  Some of the most bitter conflicts include the following:  Israel v. Hamas, MSNBC v. Sarah Palin,  Boko  Harum v. Nigeria, Obama v. George W. Bush, Islamic state V. Syria, Syria v. Syria, MSNBC v. Koch Brothers, Islamic State V. Iraq,  Crips v. Bloods, Somali v. Somali, Clintons v. Obamas, Afghanistan v. Taliban, Pakistan v. Taliban, Sudan v. South Sudan, Obama v. House of representatives, Central African Republic v. Central African Republic, Obama v. Supreme Court, Ukraine v. Russian Separatists and TomVille loyalists v. TomVille Separatists.

With the “Can’t we all get along?” plea, Tom nominated himself for the Nobel Peace Prize.

 

 

 

 

 

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Tom priases Barack as he keeps fundraisers, but cancels Kimmel appearance

While Tom has been known in the past to be a fierce critic of Barack O’TomA, he was profuse in his praise today when he learned that Barack is keeping his fundraising schedule, but canceling his Jimmy Kimmel appearance to tend to urgent Foreign Affairs hot spots.

Tom lamented, “With Hillary Clinton stumbling on the book tour and Democratic Sage Bill Clinton occupied with ‘The Energizer”, we need all the cash we can get our hands on.”

Besides with the extra 15 minutes of time freed up by Kimmel, we can easily solve Ukraine, Gaza and a resurgent Mitt Tomney.

 

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Shakira edges out Tom in Facebook likes

The results are in and in a squeaker it was Shakira winning  with 100 million Facebook  likes, Rihanna with 89m, Katy Perry with 72m, Beyoncé with 63m, Britney Spears with 41m, Christina Aguilar with 24m and Tom with 0m.

Like in Afghanistan, Tom is calling for a full audit of the results alleging massive voter fraud.  Tom is pretty sure that he liked himself.  Mark should be so proud for bringing the wonders of Facebook to us.  It is so deep.

Tom asks the Team, “Who is going to tell the magnificently surgically augmented Lindsay Lohan and BabyMaker Britney Spears that Shakira is my new obsession.”

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Tom urges Vlad to adopt a “Speak No Evil, See No Evil, Hear No Evil” defense

With Russian Separatists causing Vlad The Bad problems in the Ukraine, he has retained Tom as his image consultant.

Tom is strongly urging Vlad to adopt the “Speak No Evil, See No Evil, Hear No Evil” defense.  Tom previously counseled Barack O’TomA to use this defense with spectacular results as follows:

  • Are the TV reports accurate that the HealthCare.gov website has some growing paints?
  • Is the IRS giving conservative organizations a hard time?
  • Would the VA cook the books so executives could get bonuses?
  • What happened to the fast and furious guns>
  • Are illegal immigrant children coming over the border?
  • Did Syria cross my red line?
  • Do we need to offer Russia another Re-set

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Gunnery Sgt. Putin misses target

“O! Дерьмо, I missed the target” groused Gunnery Sgt. Vlad “The Bad” Putin after squeezing the trigger on the Buk (SA-11) missile from the plains of the Ukraine. He thought he had dead aim on the Bird AF 1 flown by Barack O’TomA.

“Hillary, can I get a Re-Set here? , pleaded Vlad.  “But of course”, cooed Hillary.

 

 

 

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A modest Herr Tom bellows “Wir sind die Nummer 1″

Basking in the glow of the German soccer team, a bandwagon leading Tom tri,[ets Germany’s world Cup 2014 win.

“How come they never huddle up?”, wondered Tom.

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Tom urges obscure heterosexuals to come out of the closet

Tom has noted that America can’t start their day without seeing a coming out Gay announcement by some obscure personality.  Tom himself has anxiously awaited declarations by Daniel Webb, Ian Thorp, Michael Sam, Jason Collins, Clay Aiken and Rosie ‘O’Donnell.  Tom thanks MSNBC  and MSNfor its fine coverage of this matter.

With the nation’ interest peaked what better time for Tom to rollout his campaign for announcing obscure closet heterosexuals.   Tom is negotiating with Shawn Kemp, Cher, George Clooney and Bill Clinton to make surprise heartfelt announcements of heterosexuality.

Can the nation handle the suspense?

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An increasingly desperate Khloe Kardashian turns to Tom?

The authoritative US Weekly is reporting that Khloe Kardashian is desperate to get pregnant.  In a time of her urgent need, will she turn to notorious BabyDaddy Tom to quench her desire.

If she does, how much will she have to pay to get ride of Tom?  Experts say no price would be too high to pay.

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King LeTom lauds LeBron James for taking his bankroll to Cleveland

A mere 4 years after King LeBron  James took his talents to South Beach, he is taking his bankroll to Cleveland signing a Free Agent contract with the Cavaliers.

King LeTom is the first person to sign up to be part of LeBron’s Cleveland Posse.

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Desperate Lakers sign Free Agent out of Occidental College

With LeBron James, Carmelo Anthony, Pau Gasol and Swaggy P (Nick Young) showing no interest in signing with the Los Angeles Lakers as Free Agents and playing second fiddle to Kobe Bryant, the Lakers have hit the Free Agent Motherload with the signing of Barack O’Toma.  Barack is a one and done veteran of Occidental College lunchtime pickup games.

Just like Barack won the Nobel Peace prize, the Lakers see him as winning the league MVP and returning Showtime to Los Angeles.

“This signing is sheer genius.  All we have to do is petition the League to play with two balls”, enthused Tom.

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