Is it fair that the Packers beat the Bears in the NFC Championship game this year? Is it fair that the last time the Cubs won the World Series was 1908? Is it fair that some Free Agents are productive and others aren’t? Is it fair that two players with the same batting average get paid different salaries? Is it fair that fan favorites get paid better than sullen superstars? Is it fair that Presidents get to choose pickup basketball players with slight less ability than him?
Of course it isn’t fair and it is ruining competitiveness. The American people won’t stand for it. All right thinking Americans except for far right-wing Republicans demand action. We need change. We need smart regulations to be sure that there is an even playing field and that every possible aspect of the game are covered by rules and regulations. We must stamp out players trying to get an edge especially a psychological edge. All players and front office staff salaries must be reviewed for fairness. I have appointed Ken Fineberg to be in charge of this as soon as he completes his work on 911, executive salaries in TARP companies and Gulf oil claims. He should be able to take charge of this office sometime in 2098.
I have directed the Departments of Justice and all Federal Commissions to sue all parties whenever there is a hint of unfairness.
I have asked Vice President Joe Biden to head up the effort of the new Fairness in Sports Agency.
Olympics in Chicago in 2036 !!!