Yesterday, authorities found the Los Angeles Lakers facedown and unconscious in a Cleveland, OH gutter just minutes after losing to a Cleveland Cavaliers team that may be the worst team in the league (and maybe history) 104-99. And it wasn’t that close. It was appropriate that the last known signs of life were a Tweet from Ron Artest about some music he was putting out. Lamar Odom was reliving a nightmare which is a reality show and unisex perfume put out with his ever lovely wife, Kloe Kardashian. The world’s best coach Phil Jackson was last heard mumbling to himself f.. Red Auerbach.
Just when things were at their absolute darkest, General Manager Mitch Kupchak devised a diabolical and yet ingenious plan to save the Lakers. He quickly released Kobe Bryant and signed a 49-year-old free agent out of Chicago who has been impressing media observers with his long-shot and clever head fakes left to right.
The real beauty of the Lakers revival plan is that their new back court phenom Barry “former Big Regulator” Obama will instantly become the smartest person in the NBA (and everywhere else for that matter) leading to one tactical victory after another.
And the Lakers’ Girls danced on.