USDA taps millionaire Vegetable Farmer to rollout MyPlate food guidelines

Yesterday prize-winning Vegetable Farmer Michelle Obama shilled for the US Department of Agriculture (USDA) in rolling out the MyPlate plate to replace the old food Pyramid. Not mentioned is that since 1992 when the first USDA food guidelines came out that the pyramid was changed to bury bad info and the fact that obesity has been steadily on the rise. In many circles that would be considered a flop. However, USDA had $2.9 million sitting around for MyPlate. Most parents and their chubby checked kids already know that the 4 food groups are burgers, fries, soda and soft serve and tha fruits and vegetables upset the balance of nature.

However what really created a buzz amongst reporters at the event was the stunning haute couture bib overalls worn my Michelle Obama and designed by none other that Col. Moammar Gadhafi. This combination of rural and military look is so bold that it could only come from the Moammar for JCP collection.

Meanwhile the International Community’s Chief Food Policeman Barack Obama fresh from binging on burgers and cigarettes complimented the 1st Lady for diverting attention from the unemployment rate that is back up to 9.1%. Obama indicated that with his smart economic policies “we can” get the rate back up to an even 10%.

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4 Responses to USDA taps millionaire Vegetable Farmer to rollout MyPlate food guidelines

  1. John Erickson says:

    Hey, you’ve uncovered an international conspiracy. See, the US pushes more vegetables onto the American public. Then they import the cheap stuff from Europe – you know, from the E Coli Import Company. Then, people eat the veggies, get sick, and die. Since unemployment is part of your total population, you push the veggies on the poor people, thus lowering unemployment. Plus, you kill a bunch of folk, thus requiring more undertakers and grave diggers, thus ALSO lowering unemployment. And, since the Fed can get the disease-ridden veggies cheap, it helps cut the deficit. Finally, when outrage is high enough, we invade Europe while their pitiful little militaries are still bogged down in Afghanistan! We get their money, we get their cars, then we pull out and wait for them to ask for money and help rebuilding, thus lowering the deficit AND unemployment!
    It’s GENIUS!!! And the only drawback is a few hundred thousand dead – a bargain! šŸ˜‰

    • tom says:

      Ahh yes, the 5th food group eColi and the Euros won’t eat genetically modified corn.

    • John Erickson says:

      Now, just to refresh my memory, that’s the GM corn that’s supposed to resist tag-along diseases like E Coli, right? šŸ˜‰
      Maybe they’re afraid that the leftover radiation from Chernobyl will spawn some kind of Godzilla-like vegetable? King Corn? Cuke-zilla? šŸ˜€

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