TomVille parents demand a secure source of “Pink Slime”

Huge crowds of demonstrators have appeared nightly in the Town Square to protest the lack of “lean finely textured beef” (LFTB) what is affectionately known as “Pink Slime” in their hamburgers. Any parent knows that boys of a certain age love “Pink Slime” and girls love to tease eeeeeeeewweeee “Pink Slime”. It is what makes the social circle of these pre-teens work. And any parent also knows that they will do anything to get a kid whining for “pink slime” to shut up.

These protests are jeopardizing the stability to the Tom Regime in TomVille. Tom has countered with a two-pronged plan. He is buying LFTB producer AFA Foods out of bankruptcy and re-opening the three “Pink slime” plants closed by Beef Products, Inc. Second Tom will tae the production of LFTB/pink slime from these plants and add them to the Strategic Pink Slime Reserve in a salt mine cave in the hills of TomVille.

With the Strategic Reserve in place, Tom can dole out “Pink slime” to desperate parents in exchange for their vote in the upcoming election. Tom is testing out his new election slogan, “It may be pink slime, but it is mine.”

BREAKING NEWS, BREAKING NEWS: White House Vegetable Gardener seeks pink slime from tom to bolster produce.

LATE BREAKING NEWS: Tom has a gold mine with pink slime as his alter-ego captain tom inked a deal with Fox for a right-wing prime time cartoon called Pink Slime in Prime Time.


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