After receiving reports that an unidentified woman accused the lovely Lindsay Lohan of getting into a nightclub altercation a mere 10 days after release from probation, Tom immediately launched an in-depth, unbiased, no holds bared investigation. The investigation consisted of reviewing statements by the beautiful Ms Lohan’s press representatives that she was home watching Homeland the night of the alleged altercation at the Standard Hotel Nightclub. Would the ravishing Lindsay ever set foot into something called Standard. Finally, Tom reviewed all available photos of a spectacular Lindsay that he could find on the Internet. Finally curiously, TMZ had no footage of an exquisite Lindsay from that night.
Tom’s unassailable conclusion is that this report was a conspiracy of Lohan haters who fear that she will return to her “Mean Girl” form. These haters are rumored to be Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, Kim Kardashian and Barack O’TomA.
BREAKING NEWS. BREAKING NEWS: Tom will interview Lindsay Lohan on TomVille Tonight. In a clip released by the network, Tom gushes to Lindsay “You look marvelous.”