Tom blows the lid off Bieber Murder/Castration plot

After extensive investigation, today Tom blew the lid off the plot to Murder and/or Castrate (who knew he had balls) fading Mega Star Justin Bieber.

Readers may remember that Bieber hasn’t had much publicity since trying to escape paparazzi in a Fisker Karma on the Hollywood Freeway(maximum speed 15 m.p.h.)  This caper drew the attention of our Dear Leader Barack O’TomA who opined that Bieber was doing the “right thing” driving an electric car while castigating him for being in the top 2% and not demanding a tax increase.

Tom has analyzed all the publicity angles on the Murder Castration plot and can confirm two truths.  One is that as Bieber’s fan base ages from pre-horny teen girls to horny teen girls, he needs to make a statement that he does have balls and hone his image to more of a bad boy.  Second, he is trying to suck the air our of the publicity room that was building for Lindsay Lohan is angling for jail to enhance her street cred.  With this additional street cred, she will move from Mean Girls Fame to Liz and Dick Lifetime movie to staring in a Oprah Winfrey presentation of “The Hillary Clinton Story”.

BREAKING NEWS:  Tom announced that you may reserve him as your personal agent on this website.




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13 Responses to Tom blows the lid off Bieber Murder/Castration plot

  1. Um .. castrating Justin Bieber? Let’s see – a castrated guy has a high-pitched voice, no facial hair, and is never seen with a girl.
    How the HECK would we tell?!? 😀
    So, what do you charge as an agent? I could use a few more readers on my site!

    • tom says:

      You may have solved the Justin bieber riddle. As for my astronomical agent fees, I only take on clients like LiLo and Justin on the downside of their careers. You are a rocket on the upside becoming more famous as each day goes by 🙂

  2. I thought Nicki Minaj had swallowed him whole and he was living in her butt! 🙂

  3. Hey man! Have you heard LiLo’s storage locker might be up for sale? Start saving those pennies! 😀

  4. In honor of us no-talent hacks everywhere, I present you with. . . the Liebster!!

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