Tom implicated in massive sex scandal

After years of in-depth investigation, the Truth According to Tom has uncovered a massive sex scandal that dwarfs Bill Clinton,  John Edwards, David Petraeuss and Tiger Woods combined.

We have compelling evidence that Tom himself has been cheating with some or all of the following women: Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker, Elsie the Cow, Fanny Farmer, Mrs. See, Granny Smith, Jane Parker, Little Debbie, Lorna Doone, Marie Calender, Mrs. Butterworth, Mrs. Dash, Mrs. Fields, Mrs. Paul, Rosarita, Sara Lee, Swiss Miss and Lindsey Lohan.

When Tom was contacted for a response, he strongly denied any involvement with Mrs. Dash and only smiled in response to Lindsey Lohan.

Can Tom recover?

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2 Responses to Tom implicated in massive sex scandal

  1. Oh, THAT definition of massive. Whew! I thought you were gonna reveal you’d been making out with the last-place finishers on “Biggest Loser”! 😯

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