Arriving in Austin in a ’57 Cadillac convertible with a Long Horn hood ornament wearing a huge Stetson hat and a burnt Orange sport coat, Tom announced his plan to be the next Football Coach at the University of Texas. His candidacy was immediately endorsed by outgoing Coach Mack Brown and all other Athletic Directors with major college programs.
Tom is eyeing a compensation package from Texas that is North of Nick Sabin. Tom said that his outsized salary can easily be accommodated due to his innovative plan to pay the players in the novel TomVille BitCon computer currency rather than greenbacks under the table.
Citing a lack of imagination in the Texas program, Tom promised to bring back the single Wing and the Wishbone. Varsity Cheerleaders will be under the prudent direction of Miley Cyrus.
“Hook ’em Horns”. bellowed Tom.
Tom has capped his coaching career to date with ample second guessing of coaches at all levels from PeeWee programs to the NFL and an unblemished record as interim head Coach at both TomVille University (TU) and TomVille State University (TSU) where he went a combined o-99.