Speaking before an adoring crowd of self anointed community leaders and organizers at the annual American Society of Snobs (ASS) convention, Thought Police Chief Tom ripped right to the heart of the matter. The government has cut Tom’s 327% increase proposal to a 52% increase which will devastate Thought Police Agencies nationwide.
To deal with these massive cuts in funding, Tom has implemented programs that not only cut the fat but also cut through the muscle and hit the bone. For example, Tom has deputized all Progressives to make on the spot thought police decisions. Enforcement will have to be targeted due to lack of resources. The Agencies will concentrate on the richest targets: Southerners, Republicans and people who like football. Tom will be rolling back the metadata center in Utah where he planned to capture all thoughts in perpetuity. Instead, Tom will lease data from the NSA and Edward Snowden. And finally in one of the most heartbreaking decisions of Tom’s career, he is scaling back the Hillary Clinton 2016 monument planned for the Capitol Mall to merely twice the size of the Washington monument.
As Tom walked off stage to thunderous applause, he roared “We will fight for you. Hablamos espanol”