The International Community was shocked when poll results showed that only 93% of Crimea voters voted for a union with South TomVille. Tom’s political consultant Vladimir “Vlad the Bad” Putin had predicted 100% leading to this humiliation of a prideful Tom.
In related news, Tom announced that the population of Crimea has suddenly shrunk by 7%.
Meanwhile, emerging from radio silence, Barack O’TomA said that after careful study of the matter, he and all other intelligent observers have concluded that this is all the fault of George W. Bush. And since a Red Line has been crossed, he advised Vlad the Bad that in retaliation, he will increase the minimum wage for Federal contractors to $10.14/hour.