Today, the world was shocked when in a teary eyed interview with Oprah, Barack O’TomA admitted that he had a Selfie addition and would enter a residential treatment program. The addition first became noticeable when he hogged the Selfie shots with Hottie Danish Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt while noted Vegetable Gardner Michele O’TomA gave him a pitchfork look. Things came to a head when he hogged Selfies with Boston Red Sox slugger Big Papi. Aides were worried that the next Selfies would be with the Clintons and a Cigar.
Barack announced that he would be entering the residential treatment program at Broken Promises Center in South TomVille lasting at least until November 2016.
This news came to a shock to Tom who in the past has organized interventions with economists and others to address Barack’s addictions to income inequality (which increased during his terms), $10.10 minimum wage (as his daughters start their careers at McDonalds), dissing George W. Bush and finally a severe addition to the sound of his own voice. Unfortunately, none of these critical interventions were successful.
Tom has just learned exclusively that Lindsay Lohan has been assigned as Barack’s coach for this 12 Step program at the Broken Promises. “Do you think I can get a Selfie with Lindsay before I check in?, pined Barack.