Fathers in Iowa are breathing a collective sigh of relief as they as they releases their wives and daughters from 24/7 surveillance due to the presence of the ruthlessly handsome Tom and the sexual rogue Bill “Bubba” Clinton”.
Prior to departing the Hawkeye state, Tom hung a big Loser label on his former mentor The Donald. Tom immediately got a patent for Loser Ball Caps. This bold move by The Tom threw victory to Ted “Everybody hates me Cruisers” Cruz.
On the Democratic party side, Tom used the useful fool Martin “I fixed Baltimore” O’Malley to deny Hillary Rodman Clinton a commanding 0.0000501% victory over the ever lovable Burnie Sanders.
The Tom thundered “Granite State, Here I come”