After a ton of fast talking, The Tom convinced The Thomas to use the old heart surgery excuse to skip the Royal Wedding and hang our with the paparazzi. In turn, The Tom pledged to handle any miscellaneous duties like walking Megan down the aisle.
In addition, The Tom is pleased to announce that he will be appearing as a male stripper at Megan’s Bachelorette Party. The Tom will enter the room dressed as a sexy political consultant and leave wearing only a smile.
And the biggest bonus is that The Tom will be able to take the reflected Markle Sparkle home to an ever lovely Lindsay Lohan.