Tag Archives: Chuck Schumer

While The Donald hit Syria, The Tom readied his assault

Last night The Donald showed he wasn’t Pussyfooting around like Barack O’TomA as he ordered 59 TOMahawk Cruise Missiles for delivery to a Syrian airfield in retaliation for Syria’s use of saran gas. In a statement The Donald declared that … Continue reading

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YouTube ousts PewDiePie — will PewTomPie clean up?

After the Wall Street Journal uncovered Anti-Semitic jokes in some of PewDiePie’s YouTube videos, YouTube and his Disney management company dropped him with much fanfare. But only Tom is crass enough to ask what happens to the revenue from his … Continue reading

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Tom inks Chuckie “Cry Me A River” Schumer for Tom-Life Music

As soon as Tom signed Chuckie Schumer for Tom-Life Music, he put the great American  Schumer Music Catalog on the Internet and Infomercials.  Americans can’t seem to get enough of Schumer’s Greatest hits.  A sampling of these hits include: I hate … Continue reading

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The Donald tells ABC News that he favors Waterboarding Chuckie Schumer

A suddenly robust Putinesque David Muir of ABC News was able to cajole from The Donald that he believes that Waterboarding works. In addition, The Donald recommended that the Waterboarding of Chuckie Schumer start immediately and continues until he stops … Continue reading

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Letterman to retire: Top 10 reasons why Tom should replace him

With news that David Letterman plans to retire in 2015 from the Late Show on CBS, Tom has retooled the tired old Letterman bit with the Top 10 Reasons “Why Tom should replace Letterman”. #10.  Like Letterman, Tom is willing to harass employees … Continue reading

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Tom pivots to staffing up the Thought Police Agency

Still licking his wounds over the drastic funding cuts to his Agency, Chief Tom has quickly pivoted to staffing up the Thought Police Agency. Even the smartest Regulations require the enforcement by a crack team.  With that in mind, Tom announced … Continue reading

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