Category Archives: Health and wellness

Tom demonstrates an incredible feat of strength

While others may lose strength with age, Tom is proving to be the exception that proves the rule.  There was a time a few years ago when Tom struggled to bring in $200 worth of groceries.  Just the other day … Continue reading

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Curvy women more Intelligent?

New research from the University of Pittsburg and UC – Santa Barbara found that women with hour glass figures are more intelligent.  This is a sub discipline of waist to hip ratio (WHR)  study. Tom just announced that Kim KardASShian … Continue reading

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HEY-HEY HO-HO Chanting Demonstrators Got to Go

Am I the only person starting to tire of “News” coverage of chanting protestors blocking intersections, freeways and entrances to public building.  And what is with the chanting and drums.  Isn’t there anybody able to make a cogent argument.  Are … Continue reading

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Lady Gaga calls out Tom for being fat

Lady Gaga after the Super Bowl has taken to Social Media to call out Tom for being fat.  She has totally misconstrued Tom’s famous “love handles” for a roly-poly appearance.  This is nothing short of body shaming by Gaga.  We … Continue reading

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The Tom declares TomVille is now a Sanctuary City

  Amid the magistracy of TomVille’s famous pomp and circumstances, The Tom rose to the podium to declare that TomVille is now a Sanctuary City. Tom emphasized that only Tom himself is protected by this designation.  With this protection, The … Continue reading

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Who booked Lady Gaga for the Super Bowl?

A furious Tom is asking, ” Who in the hell booked Lady Gaga for the Super bowl Half Time?” Tom has established an opening Overs/Unders line of 80% who want to see her crash when she descends from the roof … Continue reading

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Who is Steve BanTom?

Steve BanTom is so evil, so dark and so dangerous that even Republicans fear him.  He is 16 X more dangerous than even the (shudder) Koch brothers.  Only The Donald is dark enough to employ this evil mystery man. Never … Continue reading

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Tom inks Chuckie “Cry Me A River” Schumer for Tom-Life Music

As soon as Tom signed Chuckie Schumer for Tom-Life Music, he put the great American  Schumer Music Catalog on the Internet and Infomercials.  Americans can’t seem to get enough of Schumer’s Greatest hits.  A sampling of these hits include: I hate … Continue reading

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Tom U announces classes forming on Demonstrations and Boycotting

Tom is proud to announce that the prestigious Tom University  will be offering classes with new majors in Demonstrations and Boycotts. The Boycotting class will be taught by Chuckie “Cry Me a River” Schumer and the Reverend Al SharpTom.  Chuckie Schumer … Continue reading

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The Donald tells ABC News that he favors Waterboarding Chuckie Schumer

A suddenly robust Putinesque David Muir of ABC News was able to cajole from The Donald that he believes that Waterboarding works. In addition, The Donald recommended that the Waterboarding of Chuckie Schumer start immediately and continues until he stops … Continue reading

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