Monthly Archives: March 2013

Tom praises bold new leadership by No. Korea’s Kim Jung Eun

Tom, speaking from an undisclosed location within range of North Korea’s Taepodong – 2 missile, lauded the bold new leadership of Kim Jung Eun. When Kim Jung Eun was selected as the new dear leader, tom had some reservations if … Continue reading

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LaTom James tells League “I don’t want to be fouled anymore”

As their winning streak ended, grizzled youngster and world-class sneaker salesman LaTom James laid down the law.  He does not want to be fouled any more and the League needs to take action to make this happen. Seconds later in … Continue reading

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Tom greenlights Roseanne Barr to sing the National Anthem on American Idol

Ever the showman and in response to sagging ratings, Tom announced that he has greenlighted Roseanne Barr to perform her memorable rendition of the Star Spangled Banner on an upcoming episode of American Idol. “Who says that sex doesn’t sell?”, … Continue reading

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Tom asks “Should the Pope be kissing babes?”

Tom, you idiot.  The Pope is kissing babies not babes. There is a long tradition of politicians kissing babies as they are defenseless.  However, it is noted that Bill Clinton also got babes and babies confused and was known to … Continue reading

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Tom buys out entire stock of slightly irregular Lululemon yoga pants

Sight unseen, Tom bought out the entire stock of recalled Lululemon yoga pants. Tom figures every man will be buying his woman at least one pair of these yoga pants. Tom says “Who knew that watching yoga could be so … Continue reading

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Simpatico with Lindsay Lohan, Tom asks Judge for 90 days in locked Rehab

 Perhaps still under the spell of the Glitter Bomb and his enduring crush on Lindsay Lohan, Tom asked the Judge to sentence him for overdue parking tickets to 90 days in a locked Rehab facility where Lindsay will serve her sentence. Noting that … Continue reading

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Tom announces new Bank of TomVille Branch in Cyprus

On his way to a Press Conference at the flagship branch of the Bank Of TomVille, Tom was hit by a Glitter Bomb that Lindsay Lohan ducked on her way to Court. At the press conference, a shaken Tom announced … Continue reading

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Pope Francis I makes surprise appearance at TomVille Cathedral as Tom cheers outreach to the rich

Today, Pope Francis I (or was it) made a surprise visit to the TomVille Cathedral AKA TomVille State University (TSU) football stadium.  He had already donned the Justin Bieber gas mask before starting his homily. In the homily, the new Pope … Continue reading

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With Papal candidacy in shambles, Tom files suit to void election. Add: Late Breaking News

Citing a lack of transparency that torpedoed his Papal Candidacy, Tom appeared at the steps of the Court House to announce that he has filed suit to void the recent election of a new Pope. Tom challenged the vote as … Continue reading

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“Lean In”, Tom teaches Sheryl Sandberg the latest dance craze

Facebook Chief Operating Officer Sheryl Sandberg went straight to Motown legend Tom to learn the latest dance step for the dance craze, the “Lean In”. While Tom is always reluctant to divulge his trade secrets, he realized that Ms. Sandberg … Continue reading

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