Monthly Archives: April 2013

Who knew that Jason Collins was in the NBA?

Posted on April 30, 2013 by tom

Tom was shocked when he opened his copy of Sports Illustrated only to find that Jason Collins was actually in the NBA.  After appearing in only 6 games and averaging less than 2 points per game, Collins has outed himself … Continue reading →

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al-Assad offers scholarships and internships to chemistry students

Posted on April 29, 2013 by tom

Ever the  Ophthalmologist, Bashir Hafez al-Assad has been overshadowed by more flamboyant leaders such as Moammar Gaddafi and Hugo Chavez.  Sadly, he never developed a signature look. However ever the humanitarian, al-Assad is now offering chemical scholarships and internships to worthy … Continue reading →

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Los Angeles Laker Consultant Tom: “We need to get older”

Posted on April 26, 2013 by tom

When last engaged by the Los Angeles Lakers, Senior Basketball Consultant Tom advised the Lakers to trade for Karl Malone and Gary Payton years after their careers has ended.  This year Tom was aglow when retained by the Lakers where … Continue reading →

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NFL Draft

Posted on April 25, 2013 by tom

Football fans everywhere are holding their breath as the 2013 NFL Draft begins. Roger Goodell strides to the podium at Radio City and announces.  “With the 1st Pick in the 2013 Draft, the Kansas City Chiefs do NOT take Tom.” … Continue reading →

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Tom is in the “Situation Room”

Posted on April 22, 2013 by tom

Being the pompous ass that he is, Tom has ordered that all meetings and all photographs and all references to Tom will be in the “Situation Room”.  The setting of a large conference table with a lot of big screen … Continue reading →

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Jessica Simpson: “I am having Tom’s (& everybody else’s) Baby”

Posted on April 19, 2013 by tom

Speaking to crack reporters from TomVille tonight an incredibly radiant and juggular Jessica Simpson said “I will be having Tom’s baby”.  She plans to be impregnated by Tom as soon as she delivers the baby she is carrying. Tom is arranging … Continue reading →

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Tom spots fast fashion trend at 5 p.m. (EST) FBI Press Conference

Posted on April 18, 2013 by tom

Tom was the very first to notice the instant fashion trend among young men. As the FBI in Boston was showing publicity photos of the vanilla Rapper known only as Suspect 2, millions of young men were reorienting their baseball … Continue reading →

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Tom: It is time for Sandy Hook Elementary School parents to stand down

Posted on April 18, 2013 by tom

Only Tom is crass enough to breach this delicate subject.  This week the Sandy Hook parents just missed another tragedy sitting in premiere seats at the Boston Marathon.  They have crisscrossed the morning talk shows, testified in Congress, commuted on … Continue reading →

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Tom challenges Kobe to man up and play hurt

Posted on April 17, 2013 by tom

Speaking to the media with Dwight Howard and Pau Gasol cowering in the background, infamous, sharp-tongued, back bencher Tom blasted Kobe Bryant who plans to sit out the final game of the regulars season that will determine if the Los Angeles … Continue reading →

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War on Women (WOW)

Posted on April 7, 2013 by tom

A picture says a thousand words? Tiger Woods approved?

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