Monthly Archives: January 2018

Tom slays Gender Inequality problem

Leave it to Tom to solve big problems with little meaningless gesturers.  Last night, The Tom solved any ad all gender inequality problems by wearing a white rose. “The Tom is so Authentic”, whispered his fan/mom. Advertisements

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BREAKING NEWS: Nine months ago, The Tom did not fire The Mueller

Yesterday I was treated to Breaking News which was a story that 9 months ago The Donald didn’t fire The Mueller on the advice of his Attorney. How can a non story from 9 months ago be declared Breaking News.  … Continue reading

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Tom breaks Popper Joggers fashion news

Tom has learned exclusively that Kylie Jenner will be introducing a line of “Popper Jogger Tops”.  “The ease and speed of the Popper Jogger Top are amazing.  Just pop the top and you are admiring my surgically perfected Double DDs.” … Continue reading

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Dumb Truck

No, the Headline is not a typo where the magnificent The Hill reams The Tom a new one.  But rather it is from a commercial flooding the airways in the Democratic Peoples’ Republic of California that asks  “Is your truck … Continue reading

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CA battles agains itself in Secondhand Smoke wars

Nightly the residents of the Democratic Peoples’ Republic of California are bombarded by commercials about the dangers of secondhand tobacco smoke and how it even penetrates walls.  At the same time the State sponsored Marijuana is all over the news … Continue reading

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Forces loyal to Mueller and Clinton rolling into Hellflower says Tom Times*

Forces loyal to Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller and sore loser Hillary Rodman Clinton are rolling out of the Democratic Peoples’ Republic of California and  have entered Hellflower destined to arrest The Tom in Tom Tower in the heart of TomVille. … Continue reading

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Rich, Beautiful & Alone

JLAWThe Tom was eager to start reading his copy of OK! magazine when it flopped open to page 40.  There Tom learned that the following stars where unlucky in love:  Charlize Theron, Demi Lovato, Drew Barrymore, Hilary Duff, January Jones … Continue reading

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The Tom ridicules Kim KardASShian’s children’s names

The Tom Northeast Southwestern Hellflower Tommy  Thomas says who besides Kayne West and Kim KardASShian West would name their children North, Saint and Chicago? Michael Jackson must be rolling in his grave wondering why they did not use some solid … Continue reading

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Harvey Whinestein presents Bikini Wars

Reinventing himself as a  man of good tastes, a frisky and rehabilitated Harvey Whinestein has organized Bikini Wars.  In the first match,  we have the newcomer Kylie Jenner going directly against an Old School Lindsay Lohan.   This event culminates … Continue reading

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“Swearing is good for you” by Dr. Emma Byrne

The Tom has assigned  this article to that F–ing A**hole Dick Durbin (D-IL) https://www.thecut.com/2017/12/the-psychological-benefits-of-swearing.html    

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