Tom negotiating to bring 49ers, Browns and Jags to Los Angeles

After going 22 years without a Pro Football team, Los Angeles has retained Tom to bring the worst to Los Angeles,

After securing the Rams and Chargers, Los Angeles is well on its way to bringing the worst teams to town.  Tom has promised elected officials that he will be able to bring the 49ers, Browns and Jags to town.

Tom is rumored to hold the paper bag concession for Southern California.

 

 

 

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Does Russia have a sex tape of The Donald and Kim KardASSian?

The Intelligence Community in a confidential memo is suggesting that Russia has potentially damaging information On The Donald.

Tom has concluded that this could only be that there is a sex tape of The Donald and Kim KardASSian in Russia’s possession.  Or could it be that Ray J was photoshopped out and The Donald added in the infamous tape.

Or could it be that The Donald looks better that Putin bare-chested?

 

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Tom urges buyout of Saban’s contract

Tom saying that he is “sick and tired of losing” is rallying Bama Alums to buyout the contract of Head Football Coach Nick Saban.

“We have to stop the bleeding”, bellowed a frustrated Tom.

 

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Tom boycotts Golden Globes over snub of Michael Moore’s anti-Trump documentary

Tom was outraged when he learned that the Foreign Press did not give one Golden Glob nomination to the brilliant Michael Moore documentary “Michael Moore in Trumpland”.

This documentary should have been nominated in all possible categories.  Tom expects to bring the Golden Globes to their knees.

“Good God, we could have save all that hacking money and just showed this turkey to influence the election,” grumbled Vlad “The Bad” Putin

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Tom is inked as Chair of the Hillary Clinton comeback campaign

With rumors swirling that Hillary Rodman Clinton will be making a  comeback running for NYC Mayor, Tom has signed on as Chair.

Tom is just back from managing the highly successful comeback tours by Cher, Michael Jackson, Prince and George Michael.

However Tom is angling for a better bet by running the Clinton Mare for President of the Democratic Peoples Republic of California.  She is wildly popular there amassing 3 million of her 2.9 million vote majority in California.  Taxes are already sky-high with miserable service levels and illegal aliens have figured out that there is no barriers in place to stop them from voting.  And California has already hired Eric Folder to fight the US Government.

“Power to the People”, roared Tom.

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Watch out KardASSians

 

Watch out KardASSians, there are new Sheriffs in town

 

🤗😘👉 http://tlgrm.me/babe4u

via — 7-Club

 

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With Kudos to Bobby Riggs, Tom issues a challenge to Ronda Rousey

An aging Tom has emerged from the shadows after UCF 207 to challenge Ronda Rousey to meet him in the Octagon for a no holds bared match.

This will be an opportunity for Rousey to rekindle her career.  And lets face it Tom has nowhere to go but up.

Ladies and Gentlemen, crank up the publicity campaign.

 

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Tom leaks results of Kylie Jenner butt photoshopping investigation and they are shocking

Operatives within Tom’s camp have leaked the results of Tom’s exclusive investigation of the photoshopping of Kylie Jenner’s butt and related matters.

First the good news, using Tom’s proprietary testing methods, Tom has determined that Kylie Jenner’s breast enhancements meet of exceed the high standard of Lindsay Lohan in her white sweater appearance in Los Angeles Superior Court.

The results of the Jenner butt photoshopping are very dark.  To has learned that famous Hollywood asses such as Cher, Alec Baldwin, Barbara Streisand, Tom Hanks, Kaitlyn Jenner and Ellen DeGeneres have been hit.  All are now qualified to appear in future episodes of “Keeping Up With The KardASSians”.

Behind these dark deeds is not other that Vlad “The Bad” Putin who is rumored to be planning to Photoshop the butt of Barack O’TomA himself.

Image result for Kylie Jenner big tits

 

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Tom launches a no holds barred investigation of rumors of Kylie Jenner breast enhancements and butt photoshopping

With the Internet running wild with vicious rumors that Kylie Jenner’s butt has been photoshopped and long running rumors of incredibly beautiful breasts enhancements, Tom has launched the afore-mentioned investigation  and to examine the evidence in a gentle and meticulous manner.

If Kim KardASSian and other family members have to take a back seat during this investigation so be it.  The people deserve the truth.

Image result for kylie jenner butt photoshopped  Image result for kylie jenner breast enhancements

This could even top Tom’s infamous Lindsay Lohan tight white sweater probe.

Image result for lindsay lohan tight white sweater

“Barack, hold up on the Russian Hacking investigation.  I will need all available resources on this investigation” implored a breathless Tom

 

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Still the Number 1 source for Fake News

It was with great pride that Tom announced at his news conference that he is still the undisputed leader in Fake News.  As Zuckerberg and other money grubbers disavow Fake News and reap the profits, Tom maintains his Fake news integrity.

Just to refresh your memory, the following are some of Tom’s Fake News highlights.

  • All polls point to a landslide victory by Hillary Rodman Clinton
  • The people will ignore Clinton’s dishonesty and email scandal in order to put a woman in the White House
  • Support for LGBTQ issues is so wide and deep that Americans can not get enough of this coverage
  • Americans want a bathroom civil war so 4 year olds can express their sexual identity
  • Americans want to see more abortions and support more money for Planned Parenthood to reach this goal
  • Americans want to pay so other people’s children so  can have free tuition while they pay high tuition costs
  • Americans want the Minimum Wage to rise to the level to support a $20 Big Mac
  • Americans need a tax increase
  • Putin made her do it and cost her the victory she so richly deserved

Tom roared, “We are Number 1”

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