The Tom reacts to O’TomA and Rodman-Clinton disqualifying The Donald

The O’TomA White House and Hillary Rodman Clinton have both disqualified The Donald from being President based on temperament and a misreading of The Donald’s comments on Muslim immigrants.

Evidently, these two lawyers have secret knowledge of an obscure constitutional provision that negates the known qualification for President being a natural-born citizen of at least 35 years of age.

The Tom’s reaction, “What a couple of pompous asses”.  Or could it be that Mrs. Rodman Clinton is suffering from PTSD from taking all that small arms fire on the Bosnia airport tarmac?  Is Barack O’TomA still smarting from The Donald calling to see his birth certificate?



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The Tom tells Mitt Tomney to Shut the F Up

Ever since The Tom has started to clean up in the Primaries, a virulent Mitt Tomney has come out against The Tom. Tomney’s complaints about the The Tom and his temperament are out of line from a guy who was trounced by Barack O’TomA.  Evidently Mitt’s Mom forgot the lesson “If you don’t have something good to say, don’t say anything”.

While The Tom concedes that Mitt Tomney may have the second best hair in politics, he can’t top The Tom.  So the time has come for Mitt Tomney to shut up.




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The Tom urges historic election outcome for Hillary Rodman Clinton

In a surprise Tweet, The Tom urged voters to rally for a historic election outcome for Hillary Rodman Clinton.  The Tom said that this is a historic opportunity to make Rodman-Clinton the first female major party candidate to lose a Presidential election.

Rodman-Clinton chirped in her Tweet that she has done everything possible to reach this historic outcome.  Among the things she cited in her case were the following:  Whitewater, Cattle Future profits, Rose Law firm billing records, Travelgate, Filegate, Lootergate, HillaryCare, 2008  loser, voting for the Iraq war, Russia Re-Set, Benghazi, Libya, private server for official business, lost emails, $225,000 speeches, tamping down Bill Clinton’s women, Clinton Foundation and Foreign contributions to Clinton Foundation.

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The Tom chows down on another Taco Bowl.

The hottest picture on the Internet is The Tom’s Taco Bowl.

The Tom’s Taco Bowl is highly authentic and is composed of a secret recipe of Spam, Bologna, Pork ‘n’ Beans and Heinz Catsup. O Layla

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Purple Tom emerges as Prince’s long lost son

Thanks to heirfinders, Purple Tom has emerged as Prince’s son as the result of a brief liaison with Purple Tom’s mom.  Purple Tom is poised to inherit all of Prince’s estate valued at north of $400 Million.

Looking at Purple Tom, it looks like this might be the exception to prove the rule that all of Prince’s women were beautiful.

Purple Tom has agreed to litigate his claim on the Maury Povich Show.  Fans of the Maury Povich Show may remember Purple Tom’s multiple appearances on the show with each time resulting in Maury calling out, “Purple Tom, you ARE the father”

At the climatic moment on the Povich Show dedicated to Prince;s paternity of Purple Tom, somebody called out, “Purple Tom, you look more like Fat Albert”.


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The Tom asks Secret Service to beef up security

In an exclusive interview with Gun & Guns Magazine, The Tom outlined his security concerns after far left demonstrators have disrupted his events by hurling rocks and pepper spraying little girls.

As most The Tom Aficionados know the heart of The Tom Organization is headquartered in a two-story high-rise known as The Tom Tower in central TomVille. This property was acquired in a short sale in Detroit and moved to TomVille.  The property is secured with a cinderblock wall with barbwire and topped with concertina wire.  In the compound area four pit bulls (Teddy, Johnny, Burnie and Hillary Rodman) roam.  Finally in the once lush lawn ravished by the draught, The Tim has collected and placed Security Monitoring signs.

To round out security, The Tom is requesting exclusive use of The Beast Limo currently used by Barack O’TomA.


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8.9 on Political Richter Scale: The Tom names Hillary Rodman Clinton as his VP running mate

In the boldest move yet in the Presidential campaigns, The Tom rocked Ted Cruisers when he named Hillary Rodman Clinton as his Vice Presidential (VP) running mate.  This announcement came just seconds after The Cruiser had named former HP CEO Carly Fiorina as his running mate.

This pronouncement bolsters The Tom’s standing with women who are now free to vote their birthright and elect Rodman-Clinton as the historic First Female VP.

The Tom has decided to give Rodman-Clinton the Cattle Future, Speeches and IT portfolios in The Tom administration.  Ever the artful negotiator, The Tom got Mrs. Clinton to cede the Presidency to presumptive First Daughter TommySue if fate should deal The Tom a cruel blow.   TommySue will be granted a government exemption to continue to serve as President in waiting and as a Pole Dancer at a prestigious TomVille Gentlemen’s Club.

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Will Tom replace Tom Brady?

A Federal Appeals Court just reinstated the 4 game suspension for New England Patriots QB Tom Brady in the Deflategate matter.

The question on everybody’s mind is whether this activist judicial ruling clear the way for a boyishly handsome Tom to replace Tom Brady.  Few remember when Lou Gehrig replaced Wally Pipp as the Yankee 1B.

After reviewing all the metrics, the short answer is no.

Or even more importantly, will Score with Gisele Bundchen.  Here the opinion is unanimous.


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Live: With Kelly and The Tom

Tom has reached out to console Kelly Ripa after she was left at the TV Alter first by Regis Philbin and now by Michael Strahan.

Not one to take advantage of a situation of a star on the rebound, Tom proposed that he take over as Kelly’s Co-host.  With The Tom’s prospects for the Presidency as a The Donald clone fading, the is the perfect time to jump to Daytime TV.  While some may think that Tom’s look might be a little severe for morning TV, Tom convinced Kelly that she would appear even more beautiful in comparison.

Finally Tom swore to Kelly that he would only leave her for a fatter paycheck (unlikely) or to hook up with lost loves Lindsay Lohan or Kylie Jenner (even more unlikely).


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George Looney Clooney criticizes money in politics

Fresh from a couple of huge fundraisers for Hilary Rodman Clinton, George Looney Clooney and the ever lovable Amal criticized money in politics.  He just hosted a bargain basement $33,400/person dinner followed by co-hosting an event at $353,000/couple.

It is clear-eyed Hollywood thinking like that makes one confident in following their political recommendations.

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