And the final award of the night is for the most brutal characterization of Donald Trump in an acceptance speech. There were 24 entrants as every celebrity feels that it is their birth right to dump on Trump and insult deplorables.
The tension builds and Jimmy Kimmel himself comes up thru the floor to give out the award.
Kimmel is totally shocked as it was a 24 way tie for best. Every criticism of Trump is Award winning.
Oscar, you must be so proud.
“I refuse to have a phone that is smarter than me” bellowed a cranky Tom. However after considerable research, Tom found an early smart phone that was not smarter than him. However, it could be a tie.
Now that Kylie Jenner has signed on with PacSun, will we be seeing more of her?
Be careful what you wish for.
As Tom was named Best In Show by the Westminster Kennel club, Tom opined that it was about time that they let a real dog enter the competition.
Rumor Monger Tom was named in honor of all the following who deal chiefly in rumors: press, media, politicians, bureaucrats, consultants, sports general managers, sports managers, sports coaches and dog show judges.
After the Wall Street Journal uncovered Anti-Semitic jokes in some of PewDiePie’s YouTube videos, YouTube and his Disney management company dropped him with much fanfare.
But only Tom is crass enough to ask what happens to the revenue from his 53 million subscribers and $millions from ad placements.
A younger democratic craves edgy content and PewTomPie is ready willing and able to fill the void. Tom expects to provide the edgy content from such hipsters as Chuck “Cry Me a River” Schumer, Nancy “We have to pass the bill to find out what is in it” Pelosi, Hillary Rodman Clinton and Burnie Sanders. And of course everybody’s favorite Valentine quotes from Barack O’TomA.
Am I the only person starting to tire of “News” coverage of chanting protestors blocking intersections, freeways and entrances to public building. And what is with the chanting and drums. Isn’t there anybody able to make a cogent argument. Are the mindless chants the results of the $billions we have poured into public education?
It is way past time for the evening “news” to stop covering the chanters. It isn’t news any more and it hasn’t been for a long time.
“And don’t even think about call and response” grumbled Tom
A brash Brexit Tom has been appointed as the Chief Negotiator for Britain’s withdrawal (Brexit) from the European Union (EU). Brexit Tom has learned all his legendary negotiating skills from speed reading The Donald’s engaging “Art of the Deal”.
Opening the negotiations, Brexit Tom threatened to send the Duchess of Cornwell Camilla Parker Bowles to the EU. Then Brexit Tom gave EU negotiators 25 minutes to accept all his terms or he will follow with Prince Charles following the lovely Camilla.
EU negotiators then threw in the towel and a deal was reached in 1 minute.
Amid the magistracy of TomVille’s famous pomp and circumstances, The Tom rose to the podium to declare that TomVille is now a Sanctuary City.
Tom emphasized that only Tom himself is protected by this designation. With this protection, The Donald will not be able to deport Tom to the Democratic People’s Republic of California (or will he?).
Come to think about it. Has anyone seen Tom lately?