The “H” Word

The “H” Word.

Tom welcomes Haters, but would never criticize Kandi.

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Tom nails it with “Straight Otta Bellflower”

Reeking street Cred, Ice Capade (Tom) and Dr. Phil walked the red carpet for the premiere of “Straight Otta Bellflower”.

This biopic recreates a golden era that set back police-community relations 4 generations and introduced an extra tight glittery wardrobe that is identified with gang members worldwide.

Ice Capade was a famous Wrapper known for his virulent lyrics and a cute and cuddly face.

Over the roar of small arms fire, Ice Capade roared, “This is like taking money from a baby.  Order some more Bling Dr. Phil.

Image result for ice capades

 

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President Donald J. Trump eyes Carly, Dr. Ben and Tom for VP

It appears that “The Donald” has a short list for Vice President said to be limited to Carly Fiorina, Dr. Ben Carson and Tom.

Some would say that the bombastic Tom with his patented comb over would be merely a clone of Trump himself.  “I can’t think of anything better” trumpeted The Donald.

 

Image result for Carly Fiorina  Image result for ben carson  Image result for ugly man

 

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A desperate Tom files Missing Person report on Lindsay Lohan

Tom is worried sick and filed a Missing Person’s Report as he has not heard a Lindsay Lohan report in over 6 months.  No fights, no arrests, no Rehab.  She must be in peril.  An Amber Alert is called for.  Where is TMZ when we need them?

Has Lindsay been topped by the likes of Kylie Jenner and Caitlyn “Don’t call me Bruce” Jenner.

Say it isn’t true.

Image result for Lindsay Lohan tight sweater

 

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Tom schools ISIS in highly effective torture technique

Just returning from a Doctor’s appointment, Tom has fresh knowledge of a highly effective torture technique.

First, in the waiting room, the hostage may contemplate a beheading.  Then the hostage is moved to a very small room with uncomfortable seating to wait for hours on end with only old magazines and wall posters of horrible diseases to help pass the time.

Who among us is strong enough to withstand this torture.

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Google: “Now I know my ABCs”

In a brilliant strategic move that is the envy of bureaucrats worldwide, Google renamed the Holding company Alphabet and pretty much kept everything the same.  well maybe a few raises were handed out.  No wonder nobody can compete with alphabet soup.

And the Consultant fees keep on rolling in.  “Why Thank You”, said an income unequaled Tom

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Tom anxiously awaits Facebook Notification on “What’s Trending

Like a kid in a candy store, Tom opened his Facebook Notification today to find out that Frank Gifford is trending.

Tom immediately ordered his Aides to get him great Facebook publicity.  “I am viral”, bellowed Tom.

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Tom modifies “Pyongyang Time”

Sensing a need to get ahead of hair stylists world-wide, North Korean Strongman Kim Jong-un has moved back North Korea’s clocks by 30 minutes and established Pyongyang Time.

Ever the counter puncher, Tom  moved TomVille clocks forward by 30 minutes from Pyongyang time declaring it Tom’s Time and the Worldwide standard.

Image result for kim jong un

 

 

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The Tom rehearses for Thursday’s Debate

Like the great leader that he is, The Tom is leaving no stone unturned as he prepares for the 1st debate of the 2016 election cycle.

First up was a custom fitting for a fresh “Making America Great Again” ball cap now available for sale on Tom’s website.

The Tom has engaged Rosie O’Donnell and Omarosa Manigault to rehearse him for the debate.  In addition none other than Piers Morgan will serve as the practice debate moderator.

The Tom predicts that ball cap sales will set new Black Friday records.

Image result for rosie o'donnell  Image result for omarosa manigault donald trump

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Clinton calls Tom Brady’s Personal Assistant

Hillary Rodman Clinton placed an urgent call to Tom Brady’s Personal Assistant to se if he knows how to break servers or if is limited to smart phone destruction.

The job pays a living wage of $15/hour plus transportation to Chappaqua.

 

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