Will Tom date Bruce Jenner?

It all depends if he can get a turn on “Keeps Up With the Kardashians” and make a play for Khloe.

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The Tom Family Foundation and Global Initiative: Large Discreet Foreign Donations Welcome

The Tom Family Foundation and Global Initiative just issued a series of important announcements.

First, Tom announced that the Foundation was accepting large discreet Foreign donations.  An especially desirable option for our foreign donors are naming rights.  Say for example you want to name an USA Uranium mine after your company.  In this case, the $50 million plus donation is highly recommended.

Second, while there maybe a small influence deficit since Ms. Tom left the State Department, it will rebound when she is crowned as President.

Third, Tom announced that First Daughter and Hedge Fund Troll TommySue is the new Vie President of the Foundation.  This will provide TommySue with an appropriate forum and cash for her expected successful run for President in 2024.

Caught by a hot mic, Tom chortled, ” Why did I mess with all the small beer scams when this money gusher was available.  Better late than never.”

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Tom repositions Hillary Rodman Clinton’s slow-seller “Hard Choices” as a bodice-ripper

While the Hillary Rodman Clinton’s campaign team works to reposition Hillary as a warm and fuzzy grandmother, Tom has taken on the enviable task of turning the Hillary tome “Hard Choices” from the adventures of a steely Secretary of State  into a page-turning bodice-ripper to seal up the male vote to match the already sealed female vote.  Thus, Hillary will have the greatest electoral victory since Saddam Hussein’s 11 Million-To-0 margin in 2002

As gently edited, “Tom greedily rips open the modest pants suit to reveal Hillary’s heaving bosom and policy papers on Islamic State and Russia Re-set….  Tom consumed with lust grabbed the policy papers and bellowed  Take me to the Hills”

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Tom declares: “I am ready for a job in the mainstream media”

While toiling in the bowels of alternative journalism at WordPress, Tom has undergone an intensive 8 years of Pavlovian conditioning .  Like the dog who salivates when the dinner bell rings, Tom salivates when he sees the warm and fuzzy faces of newscasters when they merely say Hillary Rodman Clinton.  Now the mere mention of Hilary Rodman Clinton or her visit to Chipotle starts him salivating.

Tom is now ready and qualified to lead the Clinton charge in the mainstream media.

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Tiger Woody: “Excuse me, did I just win the Masters?”

Emerging from a 3 year fog, Tiger Woody asked if he won the 2015 Masters.  Judging from all the hype, the answer must be yes.  Tom told Tiger to grab a green jacket and meet him in the cabin.

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Breaking News: Tom challenges Hillary Rodman Clinton on way to Presidential Coronation

Deftly using social media, Tom has laid out his challenge to all but elected President Hillary Rodman Clinton.  Tom said that if you think she has baggage (Cattle futures, Rose Law Firm records, Whitewater, Bill’s Bimbos, HillaryCare, TravelGate, Arab Spring, Russia Re-set, Syria, Egypt, Libya, Iran, paying female staffers less than men, taking money from countries with no rights for women, emails, private server etc.) he will match her on baggage and raise  it 10 times.

In a brilliant strategic move, Tom announced that he has contracted for the Selena Hologram to be his VP running mate pandering to the female and Hispanic demographics.  And to secure the working class vote, Tom will re-program the Selena Hologram to utter salty language reminiscent of Joe Biden.

Tom roared we are breaking the glass ceiling for ugly men.

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Tom speaks out

Just like others in the media when we are hyped that they will be speaking out, Tom had nothing to say.  The Kardashians and Jenners are so proud.

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Kentucky Wildcats granted a Mulligan in NCAA Basketball Tournament

NCAA officials have granted the Kentucky Wildcats a Mulligan on the way to their universally expected 40-0 season.  Their loss to the Wisconsin Badgers in the Final 4 has been vacated and they will meet TomVille State University (TSU) Mighty Fighting Whigs in the replacement game.

Bookmakers in Vegas have unanimously approved this Mulligan.

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Tiger Woody: “I’m Playing”

Famed Golf Duffer Tiger Woody has exclusively told Tom, “I’m Playing the Masters.”  Car Crash, Fire and Disaster enthusiasts everywhere are anxiously awaiting Tiger’s return.

Tom did assure Tiger that he was holding a slot for him as the Pro at the TomVille Golf Course, the most challenging miniature golf course in the Tri-State area.

Image result for tiger woods back health woes

 

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WordPress introduces AutoMatton to prove greater fool theory

Tom is so excited that WordPress has introduced the automatic Blogging tool called AutoMatton.    The tool takes a bunch of gobbledygook and composes a Blog post.  Tom refuses to concede that there can be a greater fool (AutoMatton) than him.

No Artificial Intelligence (AI) can possibly be a greater fool than Tom.

AutoMatton, Let’s get it on!!!!!!!!!!!!

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