The Tom is narrowing the Presidential field

Cross The Tom and you are out.  The Tom has already driven some of America’s finest from the Presidential race.  The following are some of The Tom’s notches on his campaign belt: Scott’s Walker, Rickie Perry, Link “Say who” Chafee, Jim “Spider” Webb, Martin O’Mallett, Mike Huckleberry, Rick Sanatorium, Paul Rand and George Tacky.

The Tom dared Joey Bidden and Michael “Small Soda” Bloomberg to enter the Presidential race, but they were paralyzed by the very thought of going up against The Tom.

Watch out Hillary Rodman  Clinton and Teddy “Cruisers” Cruz.  You could be next.

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Red Alert! Kylie Jenner Flaunts her Curvaceous Body in Sexy Red Dress

Source: Red Alert! Kylie Jenner Flaunts her Curvaceous Body in Sexy Red Dress

 

This family is so talented that it just isn’t fair.

I believe that the word should be features rather than flaunts as the family is also modest.

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The Tom creates havoc in Iowa, then pivots to New Hampshire

Fathers in Iowa are breathing a collective sigh of relief as they as they releases their wives and daughters from 24/7 surveillance due to the presence of the ruthlessly handsome Tom and the sexual rogue Bill “Bubba” Clinton”.

Prior to departing the Hawkeye state, Tom hung a big Loser label on his former mentor The Donald.  Tom immediately got a patent for Loser Ball Caps.   This bold move by The Tom threw victory to Ted “Everybody hates me Cruisers” Cruz.

On the Democratic party side, Tom used the useful fool Martin “I fixed Baltimore” O’Malley to deny Hillary Rodman Clinton a commanding 0.0000501% victory over the ever lovable Burnie Sanders.

The Tom thundered “Granite State, Here I come”

 

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The Tom is surging in Iowa

Internal polling has The Tom surging and now is a lock to clean up in both the Republican and Democratic Iowa Caucuses.  This Double-Double has never before been accomplished.

The Tom captured the imagination of Democratic voters with his plan to seize all the wealth of billionaires (and place it in Tom’s Swiss bank account) and with his mastery of email spam.

On the Republican side, The Tom’s introduction of a new line of ball caps emblazoned with “Your are Fat” are all the rage and The Tom promises that all who caucus for him will get a complementary cap.

A plaintiff Megyn Kelly laments, “Is it too late to get on The Tom bandwagon?”

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Tom calls out Ted: “You are Cruising for a Bruising”

The Donald’s notorious Wingman Tom is taking dead aim at the Senator from Calgary, Canada, a one Ted “Cruisers” Cruz with his cruising for a bruising taunt.  Armed with the secret knowledge from the Donald that nobody likes Ted, Tom has an open field to support his candidate, the ever lovable Donald.

Sharpening his attack dog skills positions Tom to be any candidates first choice for Vice President.

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Tom crushes Michael “Small Soda” Bloomberg’s presidential ambitions

Lustfully slurping from a huge 128 oz. soda, “Big Soda”Tom tore into Michael “Small Soda” Bloomberg with, “The people want more soda for less money not less soda for more money.  Besides after my main man Burnie Sanders gets thru with you, you will be lucky to have control of a freeway off-ramp to sell your oranges”.

With that Tom said “make it a double of Coke Classic.”

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The Tom will boycott Fox Republican Presidential Candidate debate

The Tom will join The Donald in boycotting the Fox Republican candidate debate because of the way that Megyn Kelly spells her first name.

Most voters need to know that The Tom has boycotted all of the debates so far and is likely to boycott all future debates.  Some pundits speculate that The Tom is a plant from the Burnie Sanders campaign.

The Tom yelled “that is ridiculous” as he commandeered all the cash from the high-rollers in the room.

“Er, The Donald, is it too late to reconsider this boycott?”, gasped The Tom.

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Tom pitches a Duck Dynasty spinoff to BET Executives

Tom, ever the master of fortunate timing, is pitching a spinoff of Duck Dynasty starring Stacy Dash to executives of Black Entertainment Television (BET),

Tom enthused, “The timing and venue for this show are beyond perfect.  When can we start production?”

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2017 Oscar Buzz: Will and Jada Pinkett Smith are a lock for Oscars in the remake of “The Danish Girl”

. The Buzz for next year’s Oscars has already started when Executive Producer Tom announced that he has signed Will and Jada Pinkett Smith to star in his remake of “The Danish Girl”.  Will Smith will  play Elbe/Einar Wagoner and Jada will play his/her wife Gerda Wegener.  The inspirational casting of the Smiths will bring much needed authenticity to the movie set in 1920s Copenhagen, Denmark.

Major funding for the remake of “The Danish Girl” was provided  by Al Sharpton’s National Action Network.

BREAKING NEWS:  Tom just signed Caitlyn Jenner to reprise Amber Heard’s role as Oola.

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Tom boycotts Awards

With considerable fanfare, Tom announced that he is boycotting a record number of awards shows .  Tom’s list of diversity busters includes the BET Awards, Image Awards, Hispanic Choice Awards and the Latin Grammys.

None of these awards shows recognized Tom for his performance in the movie short “The Madam Secretary”.  In this XXX rated thriller, Tom is seduced by a tan and ripped Presidential Candidate with the stage name Hillary Rodman Clinton.  Further details are way too steamy for publication in this medium.

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