Q. So who is James Clapper? A. Dear Leader Barack O’TomA’s Director of National Intelligence. He is best known for his biting criticism of The Tom and The Donald.
Now that our hero Robert Mueller has indicted some Russians for meddling going back to 2014, some can only ask “Where was James Clapper when this was going on and Google, Twitter and Facebook were soaking up all the cash that Russia was putting down?”
Evidently Clapper was in the Crapper when this went down and finished up his business when The Donald was elected.
Upon hearing that Jennifer Anniston was having a loving let’s be friends separation from husband Justin Theroux, The Tom immediately reached out to Jennifer to offer comfort in her time of need.
The Tom’s Talking points to a distressed Jennifer is that she has had the pretty boys Brad Pitt and Justin Theroux and now it was time to go for average or in the case of The Tom way below average.
“Jennifer, I await your Text” cooed The Tom.
After big mouth LaTom Ball issued his ultimatum that if the Lakers didn’t sign Lonzo Ball’s two brothers, Lonzo wouldn’t resign with the Lakers.
First of all Lonzo Ball ain’t that great. Who wants the shoplifting King and College dropout LiAngelo or High School dropout LoMelo? Third, LaTom “Big Baller” Ball is way to disruptive. Nobody wants any part of this melodrama.
So release Lonzo Ball by midnight today. “Lonzo, you’re Fired”barked The Tom.
Fresh from UNITING the country by DIVIDING the men from the women, the rich from the poor, the blacks from the whites, the coasts from the center of the country, the legal immigrants from the illegal immigrants, the workers from the owners, those who want $15/hour from those who want more, business owners from workers, the upper middle class from the middle class, abortion advocates from abortion objectors, gays from straights and Patriots from Eagles while simultaneously solving the stock market problem, The Tom is eager to move on to new challenges.
The Tom knows that the next most pressing problem is seating Hillary as President. But beyond that most worthy cause, The Tom requires your help by using the comment section below to identify problems that only The Tom can solve. Could it be a duel between Adam Schiff-less and Vlad Putin or some thing even more onerous?
Feeling the vibes coming from Mar-a-Lago, The Tom knew that he needed to save the nation from a stock market debacle that was sure to be blamed on the Big Guy.
Quickly slipping on his green eye shade visor and high waist, high water trousers, The Tom immediately sprung into action placing Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Larry Page and Mark Zuckerberg under house arrest in a underutilized The Tom Tower. Net only are they responsible for great wealth, they have unleashed an army of Fed-Ex and UPS trucks on our neighborhoods, Plus they appear to be the only identified villains in the Russian Collusion investigation.
As the word spread the markets stabilized, 401 (k) regained value and Burnie Sanders took aim at the villains noted above.
Posted in Computers and Internet, humor, News and politics, Organizations
Tagged Bernie Samders, Bill Gates, Donald J. Trump, Dow, Jeff Bezos, Larry Page, Mark Zuckerberg, stock market, Warren Buffett
After Pope Francis denied receiving a 8 page letter on the misdeeds of a Chilean Bishop, he retained the Master of Denial, The Tom, as his new PR consultant. The Tom had The Pope chanting the Nancy Reagan mantra. “Just Say No”.
“Haven’t I blistered The Donald for something like this?” pondered The Pope.
Are all Dossiers as vile as The Tom Dossier?
a collection of documents about a particular person, event, or subject:
“we have a dossier on him” · [more]
synonyms: file · report · case history · account · notes · document(s) · documentation · data · information · evidence
Who was the source of this vile collection? Was it old bitter rivals like Barack O’TomA or Hillary Rodman Clinton? Or was it new opportunists like Maxine Waters or Adam Schiff-less? Or is it the deep state headed by Jimmy Comey or Robert Mueller?
Of course anybody who really knows The Tom suspect that he authored The Dossier as The Diversion.
This Dossier is so vile that in one place it even accused The Tom of helping an elderly woman across the street.
Leave it to Tom to solve big problems with little meaningless gesturers. Last night, The Tom solved any ad all gender inequality problems by wearing a white rose.
“The Tom is so Authentic”, whispered his fan/mom.
Yesterday I was treated to Breaking News which was a story that 9 months ago The Donald didn’t fire The Mueller on the advice of his Attorney.
How can a non story from 9 months ago be declared Breaking News. At best it was Broken News. It is impossible to prove a negative.
Now that I have that off my chest I can go back to producing Fake News.
cc- Mark Zuckerberg
Tom has learned exclusively that Kylie Jenner will be introducing a line of “Popper Jogger Tops”. “The ease and speed of the Popper Jogger Top are amazing. Just pop the top and you are admiring my surgically perfected Double DDs.” gushed Kylie.
BUMBAGS, berets, small sunglasses and now ‘popper joggers’ have managed to transport themselves from the nineties to the present day. While trousers that opened at the side with a simple (or sexy) rip were once just found in the wardrobes of male strippers, they were an everyday staple back in the nineties. And now, twenty […]
via Kendall Jenner, Bella Hadid and Rihanna reignite the 90s Adidas ‘Popper Jogger’ trend… but is this a look that should jog off? — The Irish Sun