After taking a shellacking in Israeli election, Barack pivots to his Basketball Brackets

With a stunning defeat at the hands of Bibi Netanyahu in the Israeli elections, Barack O’TomA dispensed with the congratulatory call and immediately launched into his press tour for his NCAA March Madness Brackets.

Despite 6 years of outright hostility towards Bibi and a well orchestrated campaign against him from the White House Rose Garden, Barack found himself yet again on the losing end of a long shot bet.  In comparison, his Brackets look like a sure thing.

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Dolce & Gabbana & GabTomA to Boycott Elton Johnny

A thin-skinned Elton Johnny took umbrage with Dolce & Gabbana’s comments on IVF.  Instead of critiquing the comments and respecting their right to free speech, he slapped them with a worldwide boycott.

Evidently, Elton Johnny didn’t absorb the meaning of his hit song “Philadelphia Freedom”.  He probably did absorb the money.

Dolce & Gabbana & GabTomA have retaliated in kind.  It is more likely that the world can survive the loss of Elton Johnny’s act which he swipped from Liberace than the loss of Dolce & Gabbana’s style,

Which one is GabToma?

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Putin Wing Man Tom asks: “Where is Vlad?”

Pundits are having a lot of fun speculating on the whereabouts of Vladimir  Putin who allegedly hasn’t been seen since March 5, 2015.  Tom is getting worried as it has been over two weeks since he and Vlad have cruised the Kremlin streets bare-chested looking for hot chicks.  Tom is getting withdrawals.

Others miss Vlad even more.  President Barack O’TomA says that he misses getting outflanked by Vlad in Ukraine and Syria.  All But elected President Hillary Rodman Clinton says she misses pushing the big Re-Set button with Vlad.  Further Rodman Clinton says that she treasured all the emails from Vlad about er…Cheklsea’s wedding that she had to delete from her server.

So let’s get Vlad back in the saddle.  We miss him.

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Clinton Loyalist Techno Tom appointed Marketing Director at Clinton Cloud Services

Lost in Hillary Rodman Clinton’s 21 minute Presser/Email tutorial yesterday was the announcement that long time Clinton Loyalist Techno Tom is the new Marketing Director at Clinton Cloud Services.  He has also assumed all marketing at the Clinton Global Initiatives Foundation and the upcoming Clinton Presidential Inauguration.

Some may remember Techno Tom as the inspiration for the line from the movie “Sex Tapes” where the lead actor wailed “Nobody understands the Cloud.”.  Consequently, Techno Tom’s first recommendation is to send all records for the State Department, Benghazi, Travel Gate, Whitewater, cattle futures, Rose Law billing records, Vince Foster, bimbos and HillaryCare to the Cloud.

Next Tom is recommending a full boy makeover and a facelift performed by Priscilla Presley’s Plastic Surgeon.

Tom says. “With her new 38JJ body, the Hillary Rodman Clinton marketing possibilities are endless.”

“At Clinton Cloud Services, you mess it up, but we bury it.”

Was the advise that you need 29 smart phones for 28 email addresses genius or what?”

Image result for Hillary Clinton cloud

 

 

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GoHillary.com — A premier web hosting service

Unlike GoDaddy which uses sexy spokespersons such as wrestler Candice Michelle, poker player Vanessa Rousso and racer Danica Patrick, GoHillary.com relies exclusively on the raw sex appeal of founder Hillary Rodman Clinton to burnish the brand.

An upcoming ad release scheduled for Thursday features a hot Hillary Rodman Clinton hawking GoHillary.com Web hosting, SSL, Domains, email and tools and award winning 24/7 Support (the 3AM call).

So lets get started.  Operators are standing by at the GoHillary.com server farm in Chappaqua, New York.

Image result for hillary clinton  Image result for danica patrick

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Tom solves dilemma of overuse of fish nets causing damage to marine life.

It is well-known that overfishing especially with miles long fish nets can cause damage to marine life and catch dolphins and sea turtles.

What could be done to mitigate the adverse economic effect of eliminating miles of fish nets?  Tom just hit on the answer offering to recycle the excess netting into fishnet fashions for busty curvy women.

We can’t wait for Tom’s first fishnet fashion show.

“Make that weave extra wide.  We are not trying to catch minnows here.”, chortled Tom.

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BREAKING NEWS: Chelsea Clinton clears Madam Secretary in foreign contributions and email scandals

TomVille Mile Zone (TMZ) reporter TommySue just got this Breaking News from the Clinton Global Initiatives conference.  No greater a legal and government policy expert and former Hedge Fund maven, Rock Center with Brian Williams correspondent and Clinton foundation functionary than Chelsea Clinton cleared Hillary Rodman Clinton of the twin scandals using private email accounts to conduct official State Department business and acceptingforeign contributions to the Clinton Foundation.

Chelsea said both of these trivial matter were the work of the same bimbos that tried to bring down her Daddy’s Presidency (erection?).  TommySue instinctively responded with “Chelsea, you look amazing.  Did you inherit your spectacular looks from your mother and father?”

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With Kylie Jenner getting all the attention, Kim Kardashian digs deep into her marketing bag of tricks

With 17-year-old Kylie Jenner hogging the publicity and challenging the concept of age of consent, Kim Kardashian has had to resort to hard-core marketing principles to balance the scales.

Kim has drawn on the #1 lesson from marketing 101 which is SEX SELLS.  Consequently we just heard that Kim and Kanye have sex 500 times a day (TMI).  But a newly blonde Kim has rediscovered the mesh dress to put herself back on top.

First Daughter TommySue on assignment to TMZ (TomVille Mile Zone), has been tasked with asking Kim the hard questions including “Kim, you look amazing.  How do you keep your girls so firm?”  “Do you tink that your new look will have men keeping an eye on you coming and going?”

Image result for kim kardashian mesh dress  Image result for kylie jenner

Time for another sex tape?

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Hillary Rodman Clinton announces her candidacy for………………..

In a surprise announcement, Hillary Rodman Clinton announced that she is indeed a candidate for Chief Technology Officer (CTO).  She relayed that she has always been keenly interested in efficient record keeping as evidenced by Rose Firm Billing records, Whitewater records, Cattle Future records, HillaryCare records and Travelgate records to name just a few.

Consequently despite being dead broke when leaving the White House, she installed a “server farm” at her house in New York state.  This is a testimony to her priorities and her deep interest in technology.

Further, she said that she is the only person qualified based on the record to determine the difference from illegal Bush area email systems and her private email accounts she exclusively used as Secretary of State.

We need to break the glass ceiling an elect Ms. Rodman Clinton CTO by acclimation.

Image result for hillary clinton email system

 

 

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Tom declares 8th Wonder of the Modern World

Tom has asked the existing 7 Wonders of the Modern World to step aside for the clear eighth wonder.  While the 7 wonders are beautiful and well constructed, they are overmatched by the 8th wonder.  Let’s review the 7 wonders as follows:  Channel Tunnel, CN Tower, Empire State Building, Golden Gate Bridge, Itaipa Dam, Netherlands Sea Wall, and the Panama Canal.

However the 8th Wonder is lovingly constructed by the hand of God and the hand of man.  The 8th wonder of the Modern World is one of the best exports from communist East Germany.  Without doubt, Tom declares Chloe Vevrier as the 8th Wonder of the Modern world.

 

In the interest of scientific inquiry, Tom says that construction plans for this Wonder of the World are 5′ 3′, 121 ibs. , 47K-30-37

 

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