Progressives are pushing Criminal Justice Reform just in time to influence sentencing of cuddly little drug dealer el Chapo.
Surely El Chapo doesn’t deserve life as he is already partly rehabilitated. Life would be discriminatory as El Chapo is believed to be Hispanic.
“Why the hell did we extradite El Chapo so we could waste money on trial and years of room and board. The Mexican Government already had him locked up. This is expensive US Macho” grumbled The Tom
While a middling real estate developer, Tragic Johnson is a disaster as a sports executive.
Prior to his most recent incarnation with the Lakers, he was an interim Coach with the Lakers and failed miserably.
Fast forward to now and Tragic is the Laker executive that threw away good money on LaTom James who has proven to be injury prone, aloof and a don’t turn you back on him kind of guy.
LaTom is not in a G.O.A.T. class with tom Brady or even Tragic himself as a player. Off the field of play counts too.
Clear the decks and start over.
Calling LaVar Ball !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A Tom Spokesperson leaked additional details on the TomVille Green New Deal. Those purchasing Green New Deal stocks will receive a decal with a huge picture of The Tom to display on their bumper. The Decal will entitle one to use the Diamond/HOV lane.
Q. How many HOV lanes are there in TomVille?
A. None. We are waiting for Vlad Putin to provide Russian money for the project.
The Tom gives the State of the Union for TomVille with the statement “It is beautiful baby”
In the speech, The Tom outlined the Green New Deal. It is so beautiful. The Tom sells stock shares entitling people to use the sun and wind. All proceeds will accrue to The Tom.
Sorry Nancy and Chuck, The is no need for a rebuttal.
At exactly 7:12 p.m. PST on February 3, 2019, The Tom will predict the winner of Super Bowl LIV (or is it LIII ?)
“It is a Lock Baby” boasts The Tom.
AT the precise time, The Tom speaks “Patriots 13 — Rams 3”
Ever the advocate of Climate Change, The Tom announces that he has opened an Initial Public Offering (IPO) for Polar Vortex at an initial price point of $1,000 per share.
Polar Vortex shares can only be used to combat Climate Change AKA Global Warming.
“Let them suffer in Chicago” cackled The Tom
“Layer Up Baby, The Tom is coming.”
In what he billed as a major announcement, Empty Suit Eric Garcetti declared that he was not a candidate for President. He seemed to throw his support to the next empty suit, Kamala Harris.
Evidently , somebody whispered to the empty suit that a record of citywide traffic congestion, surging homelessness. scandals swirling around City Hall and record poverty levels were not that compelling.
He claims that his heart and brain wanted him to finish the job as Los Angeles City Mayor.
Breaking News: Garcetti and The Tom are the only two people not running for President and the Tom is wobbling.
With the temporary deal sending government workers back to work, The Tom already misses the tear stained non-stop reporting of hardships faced by furloughed Federal workers.
The Tom especially sympathized with the non-essential employees sent home who are guaranteed to receive full pay and benefits when the budget is passes.
“Excuse me!! When private employees are laid off, they only get Unemployment Insurance which is far from full pay. Did I miss the media coverage of these folks?” sobbed The Tom.
Is there anything more inane than a local TV News interview with winning fans remote from some bar. The highlight is some loud mouth with his ball cap on backwards with some hot looking women in the background all yelling “Super Bowl Baby”
The Tom contemplated the time and his place in history and bellowed “Super Bowl Baby”
When The Donald heard that The Tom has set his romantic sights on MacKenzie Bezos, he reasoned that in a $137 Billion divorce there is some rounding error funding for a mere $8 Billion Wall extension.
Now this is leverage and synergy. And just in case cue up “Who is Lauren Sanchez?”