Tom has asked the existing 7 Wonders of the Modern World to step aside for the clear eighth wonder. While the 7 wonders are beautiful and well constructed, they are overmatched by the 8th wonder. Let’s review the 7 wonders as follows: Channel Tunnel, CN Tower, Empire State Building, Golden Gate Bridge, Itaipa Dam, Netherlands Sea Wall, and the Panama Canal.
However the 8th Wonder is lovingly constructed by the hand of God and the hand of man. The 8th wonder of the Modern World is one of the best exports from communist East Germany. Without doubt, Tom declares Chloe Vevrier as the 8th Wonder of the Modern world.
Does Bill Clinton still long for Monica Lewinsky? Does Bill Clinton think about every minute, every second of his time with Monica Lewinsky? Does Hillary Rodman Clinton wear a pantsuit?
Speaking in a trench coat in the back row of a darkened XXX theatre in the San Fernando Valley, Tom informed the crowd that he has ordered the production of unlimited sequels of “50 Shades of Green”. A morally ambivalent Tom looked at the Box Office totals and started to quiver.
With the aging demographics in America, audiences will be looking forward to the sexual adventures of an Octogenarian Dakota Johnson.
As Tom strolled the Red Carpet decked out in the latest fashions at the Academy Awards, he was inundated by investigative reporters from TomVille Tonight, Access TomVille and Inside TomVille, plus the morning shows Good Morning TomVille, Kelly and Tom etc. All were hell-bent on getting the top story which was “How do you look so amazing?”
After facing these eager reporters, Tom grabbed his Kirby and finisher vacuuming the Red Carpet. Tom muttered, “Has anybody seen George Clooney’s wife?”
Leave it to North Korea’s man of the people Kim Tom Un to take all the buzz with a new fashion forward Wedgie Pompadour and a daring new eyebrowcut.
The man is still the king of fashion.
Why is Barack O’TomA silent in the matter of Joe Biden noodling the new Defense Secretary’s wife? If Biden was a Republican he would be accused of waging a war on women or worse.
But we know that old Joe is needed for beer summits etc. and as a strange symbol for the middle class.
Or maybe Joe is really getting to run for President in 2016 and is getting his Bill Clinton mojo on.
It should not come as too much of a surprise that Tom’s “50 Shades of Gray” clothing line does not include any actual clothing. Tom is merely making the strong suggestion that women send their money to Tom. In turn, Tom will ship surplus Lone Ranger Masks from his warehouse while supplies last.
Profits will be used to produce the sequel “50 Shades of Gray 2″ starring Lindsay Lohan.
Just minutes before announcing that he has given himself a Leave of Absence, Tom came out swinging against a legion of Brian Williams haters. These haters are deadenders from the Katie Couric days.
What, Tom asks, is more American than a little embellishment. Veterans tell war stories of great bravery and danger. Fishermen talk lustily about the big one that got away. Politicians impress us with their courage under fire on the tarmac in Bosnia. Tom may even have embellished slightly his exploits with Lindsay Lohan.
In fact Tom announced that during his leave, he will be roaming the plains of Iraq and Syria ready and willing to stand up alone against the Islamic State.
Proving that a Harvard education is never waster, Barack O’TomA introduced new math concepts to common core. His Free Community College” proposal cost $60 billion. Please solve this equation where X = Bull S***, and show your work.