Barack O’TomA couldn’t even wait 100 days to return to the public square to save us. Why couldn’t he follow the lead of George W. Bush and keep quiet? In his speech and panel at the University of Chicago, he lamented that he didn’t bring the country closer together. Evidently, he must have inadvertently forgotten his 8 years to pitting groups against each other for political gain. Remember gays against straights, old male trans against little girls and their parents, blacks against the police, blacks against whites, college students against working class kids, everybody against the wealthy, everybody against the Banks, women against men, and Democrats against Republicans.
The Tom can only see this as conversion. Please shield the innocent like The Donald
In a no holds bared speech at the conclusion of the 1st round of the French Presidential Election, Tom called for supporters of Marine Le Pen of the National Front and Emmanuel Macron of En Marche to declare their position on bringing back Freedom Fries to replace French Fries. This could be the key issue in the Run-Off.
Finally enough is enough and Tom has called for the Impeachment of The Tom. In a News Conference and in a flurry of late night Tweets, Tom outlined his compelling case which includes the following: beat Hillary Rodman Clinton, nominated a Supreme Court justice, beat Hillary, cut money from Tom’s special programs, beat Hillary, has not come up with competing chants for mass demonstrations, beat Hillary, wants to enforce immigration laws, heat Hillary, loves Putin, beat Hillary, changing hairstyle from the Trump to the Kim Jong-Tom Nuke., beat Hillary, beat Hillary and beat Hillary.
No sooner did Tom wrestle the King of Selfies title from the reigning champion the Queen of Selfies, a 15-year-old hottie from Bethesda, MD that he started to notice changes. It appears that Charles Darwin was right as Tom’s selfie arm continues to grow.
“I just can’t help myself. I love each and every picture of myself” demurred Tom.
With Mark Zuckerberg guarding his $Billions and COO Sheryl Sandberg off somewhere Leaning In, it fell to Tom to clarify the matter of the Cleveland Murder posting. Tom quickly clarified that the murder posting was NOT live streaming, but rather a video posted to Fakebook. Tom is holding the Fake News media responsible for this error. The difference between the two couldn’t be more stark. Live streaming of the murder would be for prurient interests whereas the video posting is merely a historical record.
“The only people who can’t see this distinction without a difference are social media haters”, whined Tom.
To all the Beautiful People and the rest who can’t afford the Coachella Festival, remember Coachella is still Indio.
“Now lets get out there and put some lipstick on this pig” thundered Tom at his Marketing Team.
Flamboyant North Korean Hairstylist and Supreme and Dear Leader Kim Jong-Tom has just introduced his newest hairstyle “The Nuke” The style has already started tongues wagging worldwide.
The Tom has retained The Donald to negotiate a deal with Kim Jong-Tom for exclusive right to the style and for a string of Kim inspired franchise barber and hair salons. With The Kim, The Tom and The Donald involved, what could possibly go wrong?
Rev. Tom has joined in the trend of Celebrating the life of a person who has died. In this case, Rev. Tom will be celebrating the Death of Critical Thinking. The exact date that critical thinking is not known, but most observers believe it was late 2016 or early 2017. High on the agenda of those who killed critical thinking was opposition to Donald Trump. They rightly calibrated that critical thinking was already so tenuous that anything or any wild allegations could pass for hard news.
Politicians promised free college for lower and upper middle class students knowing that this would be paid for by a bunch of working class kids who preferred not to go to college. The colleges and universities did their part by rewarding students who could parrot back propaganda. And of course the bottom line is that nothing is “free”
Of course Fakebook tied it all together in a neet package which anybody believed if accompanied by good-looking selfies.
Tom praised the 3rd wealthiest man Mark Zuckerberg for his tireless efforts to wipe out fake news. Tom also pushed back on those who say that Fakebook has so much fake news that a tipping point has been reached with advertisers who feed the vast Zuckerberg fortune.
Of course the solution will involve an algorithm to weed out fake news while still allowing unsophisticated users to post the most vile, inaccurate and libelous stuff in the name of sharing with friends.
Who says that polarization isn’t profitable?
Who are the evil forces behind the effort to force out our dearly beloved Steven BanTom from his White House job. First, he was stripped of his seat on the National Security Council Next, we hear that Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump herself may be behind the effort.
But those in the know are sure that it is the evil cabal of The Tom and Vlad the Bad.