In the boldest move yet in the Presidential campaigns, The Tom rocked Ted Cruisers when he named Hillary Rodman Clinton as his Vice Presidential (VP) running mate. This announcement came just seconds after The Cruiser had named former HP CEO Carly Fiorina as his running mate.
This pronouncement bolsters The Tom’s standing with women who are now free to vote their birthright and elect Rodman-Clinton as the historic First Female VP.
The Tom has decided to give Rodman-Clinton the Cattle Future, Speeches and IT portfolios in The Tom administration. Ever the artful negotiator, The Tom got Mrs. Clinton to cede the Presidency to presumptive First Daughter TommySue if fate should deal The Tom a cruel blow. TommySue will be granted a government exemption to continue to serve as President in waiting and as a Pole Dancer at a prestigious TomVille Gentlemen’s Club.
A Federal Appeals Court just reinstated the 4 game suspension for New England Patriots QB Tom Brady in the Deflategate matter.
The question on everybody’s mind is whether this activist judicial ruling clear the way for a boyishly handsome Tom to replace Tom Brady. Few remember when Lou Gehrig replaced Wally Pipp as the Yankee 1B.
After reviewing all the metrics, the short answer is no.
Or even more importantly, will Score with Gisele Bundchen. Here the opinion is unanimous.
Tom has reached out to console Kelly Ripa after she was left at the TV Alter first by Regis Philbin and now by Michael Strahan.
Not one to take advantage of a situation of a star on the rebound, Tom proposed that he take over as Kelly’s Co-host. With The Tom’s prospects for the Presidency as a The Donald clone fading, the is the perfect time to jump to Daytime TV. While some may think that Tom’s look might be a little severe for morning TV, Tom convinced Kelly that she would appear even more beautiful in comparison.
Finally Tom swore to Kelly that he would only leave her for a fatter paycheck (unlikely) or to hook up with lost loves Lindsay Lohan or Kylie Jenner (even more unlikely).
Fresh from a couple of huge fundraisers for Hilary Rodman Clinton, George Looney Clooney and the ever lovable Amal criticized money in politics. He just hosted a bargain basement $33,400/person dinner followed by co-hosting an event at $353,000/couple.
It is clear-eyed Hollywood thinking like that makes one confident in following their political recommendations.
With America falling head-over-heels in love with Harriet Tubman and the new $20,, savvy political pundits like Tom are asking the same question. Should The Donald select Ms. Tubman as his Vice President?
A. Only if Megyn Kelly refuses to serve.
One of the first acts by beloved Treasury Secretary Jack Lew after announcing the new Harriet Tubman $20 was the commission of Tom to produce the image for the bill.
As images have leaked, Tom haters have started scurrilous rumors that Tom was photoshopping Tubman.
You be the judge so we can halt these rumors in their tracks.
Tom asks the Treasury’s Technical Staff, “What would Tubman look like with a Double D cup?”
Tom cornered Treasury Secretary Jack Lew about change for the new Harriet Tubman $20.
The specific change Tom requested was to replace Tubman with Beyoncé.
In one of the closest horse races in Treasury Department history, Tom was aced out by a well rested Harriet Tubman to replace Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill. Tom did lose points in the looks department in scoring the competitors.
Tom has issued a Twitter apology (as opposed to a real apology) to Burnie Sanders and Hillary Rodman Clinton when he implied they were suffering from paranoia in believing somebody was rigging the economy,
The ever vigilant Tom could not allow this to stand and initiated his deep dive into the data points. In the last 7 years, the rich have gotten richer with cheap money. The Seniors are getting buttkiss on their savings. The poor have gotten poorer and the median income adjusted for inflation has dropped like a lead balloon.
This led Tom to conclude that the person who has been rigging the economy is note other that Barack O’TomA himself.
It is rigged. Both Burnie and Hillary are convinced that the economy is rigged and have been telling us Ad nauseam. But who exactly are these people who have rigged the economy? Where do they meet? What actions have they taken?
Until they confess, we will have to use the equivalent of waterboarding. Keep raising their taxes.
a mental condition characterized by delusions of persecution, unwarranted jealousy, or exaggerated self-importance, typically elaborated into an organized system. It may be an aspect of chronic personality disorder, of drug abuse, or of a serious condition such as schizophrenia in which the person loses touch with reality.