Tom reports a lack of sexual harassment

In conversations with his lawyer and the media, Tom reports a lack of sexual harassment directed towards him.  Regrettably, Tom says that he has not been groped, been subject to a lingering hug, pinched on the butt,  been subject to a woman trapping him in an office and not letting him out or demanded to attend a meeting in a hotel room by a woman wearing only a bathrobe.

This has led Tom to plaintively ask, “What does Al Franken have that I don’t”.

 

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TommySue takes lead in huge sexual harassment allegations and suit against Oedipus the King

First daughter Busty TommySue is spearheading a massive sexual harassment suit involving billions of women who have made sexual harassment allegation against Oedipus the King.  TommySue says that she may be contacted via Twitter at #stopOeipus

While it may be too late to get Sigmund Freud to testify and some claims may be beyond the statute of limitations, there should be ample experts and others willing and able  to testify.

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CC- Gloria Allred

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Tom edged out for Time Person of the Year by a Hashtag

In his worst humiliation to date, The Tom lost out on being Time magazine’s Person of the Year by a Hashtag formerly known as #MeToo.  A Fake News investigation has been opened to be headed by a suddenly unemployed Robert Mueller.

The Tom wondered can a Hashtag even Tweet?

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Tom loves the Bitcon, I mean Bitcoin

As 2017 rolled in, the Bitcon was bringing in a bit below $1,000.  Lately it is bringing in over %10,000 or a tenfold return on a highly fictitious investment.

Let all who can tell where the Bitcon came from and how it is “mined” come forward and explain to Tom how he can get involved.

Image result for bitcoin mining

 

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Tom plots the career resurgance of Charlie Rose (RCG)

Tom is feverishly working on a plan for the resurgence of Charlie  Rose (Roe Colored Glasses) career.

As part of the process, Tom has prepared a list of potential career assets for Charlie to decide to emphasize.  Initial brainstorming has come up with the following assets.

a) Charlie’s guests are smarter than the rest of America.

b) Charlie is much smarter than his guests.

c) He loves Barack O’TomA

d) He hates The Donald.

e) He can see mental flaws in The Donald that he can’t see in himself.

f) He is the smartest man in America

g) High potential to be the next America’s Top Bathrobe model

h) b  &  f

i) All of the above.

“There is no limit to how much we can milk this account” chortled Tom.

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At 12-0, Wisconsin Badgers are just a quality loss away from Top 4

Again the Bowl Selection Committee will bar the Badgers from the Top 4 to battle for the National Championship because of the lack of a quality loss.

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The Tom does the right thing and grants himself a Leave of Absence

Despite not having received any allegations of sexual harassment, The Tom has taken the preemptive step of granting himself an indefinite Leave of Absence.

With publicity drained as the spotlight is on the denials of Harvey Whinestein and the serial non-apologies of Senator Al Franken and former President George H. W. Bush, The Tom needs to get back in the game.  What better way than the self-imposed Leave of Absence.

“Tell Entertainment Tonight that I am on the phone with the National Enquirer”,  roared The Tom

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LaTom “Big Bawller”Ball blasts The Donald in the Octagon, I mean. Twitter Birdcage

After a self-imposed moratorium for Thanksgiving, The Tom and The Donald came out Tweeting.  The Donald labeled LaTom a Fool and the Twitter war is back on.

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The Tom’s Thanksgiving message is one we are all thankful for and will unite a divided country

The Tom in his Thanksgiving message assured the world that he would not post a blog on Thanksgiving.  This is news that we can all be thankful for.

Further his message is so deep and unexpected that it will unite all who are currently so bitterly divided.

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Charlie Rose seeks PR advice from The Tom

With sexual misconduct charges swirling around him from 8 women, Charlie Rose has sought out The Tom for sage PR advice.

We all love Charlie Rose for his undying love for Barack O’TomA and his enduring hatred of The Donald  Rose continually made snide comments about the mental health of The Donald and now it turns out that he might have some deviant behavior in his own past.

However if the money is right,  The Tom is willing to overlook Charlie’s past and has developed a 3-point Public relations plan as follows:

  • Enter Tom’s exclusive Sex Addictions Rehabilitation Clinic in Indio, CA
  • When interviewing female guests subtly change his signature phrase from “I am pleased to have you at this table” to “I am pleased to have you on this table”
  • Contact Bill O’Reilly for advice on setting up a podcast.

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