Speaking in shirtsleeves from a deserted Lambeau field in Green Bay. Wisconsin, The Tom blasted the flat-earth Global Cooling Deniers. 123 Nations have pulled out of the Nome Protocol on Global Cooling.
It is all in the science as The Tom turned the page to start selling Condos in his “Little Ice Age” communities.
The Tom has long admired California as a Progressive bastion and his cold heart melted when Hilary Rodman Clinton garnered 2/3 of the vote. But now may be the perfect moment in time for California to secede from the union.
These are just a few of the areas where California thinking has surpassed the rest of the country.
- California has long been the home of stringent gun control with even tighter regulations called for by state politicians. While at the same time Governor Jerry Brown just pardoned or commuted the sentences of 150 convicted criminals which included a number of multiple murders who used guns to kill. Happy to get these folks back on the streets.
- California has long supported increased taxation on cigarettes to cut down on smoking. Even vaping hasn’t escaped constant TV advertising. At the same time the State is moving big time into Cannabis and Marijuana much of which will be consumed by smoking. Evidently this second-hand smoke doesn’t harm babies.
- The State has long be a leading voice on women’s issues (abortion) while the Entertainment industry has long prospered under a sex sells mentality. And now everybody is shocked that there are a bunch of Harvey Whinesteins out there.
- The State is a leading proponent of income inequality while at the same dolloping out huge subsidies for the rich and their Tesla cars and solar panels.
As The Tom contemplates these apparent inconsistencies, he utters “never mind. I am running for President of this wonderful new country.” But Tom, what about the Bullet Train? “All Aboard!!!”
Dear Leader and Barber extraordinaire Kim Jong Un has threatened The Tom and the free world as nuclear hostages until they reveal the haircutting secrets of LaVar/LaTom Ball and his sons LaMelo and LiAngelo.
This may be difficult to negotiate a settlement as there are separated at birth issues. Has anybody ever seen Kim, LaVar and LaTom in the same place at the same time?
Posted in Entertainment, humor, News and politics, Organizations, Sports
Tagged Big Baller Brand, Kim Jong Eun, Kim Jong Un, LaMelo Ball, LaVar Ball, LiAngelo Ball, Separated at Birth
How did Senators Elizabeth Warren and Chuckie Schumer know that The Tom was watching C-SPAN on his yacht while the Tax Cut legislation was going thru the grinder And how did they know that The Tom was celebrating by sipping Champaign from the heels of a beautiful woman?
Was it courtesy of the same court than listened in on General Flynn?
Who do we loves? FISA Who do be love? FISA
Promising to take the hassle and confusion on the perfect gift for the men in your life, Tom unveiled his First Annual Gift Guide. The top 4 gifts for this year are as follows:
- An Initial Defense Lawyer Consultation with a stocking stuffer of 100 billable hours to answer sexual harassment suits.
- 200 Hours of Private Investigator hours to dig up dirt on accuser(s).
- Deluxe Private Investigator/Enforcer package. This combines the sophistication of the Private Investigator package above with real world muscle including a full Tonya Harding.
- The Middle Class gift package consists of a roll of duct tape to help keep the mouth closed.
“Tom, we have big orders coming in from Hollywood”
In conversations with his lawyer and the media, Tom reports a lack of sexual harassment directed towards him. Regrettably, Tom says that he has not been groped, been subject to a lingering hug, pinched on the butt, been subject to a woman trapping him in an office and not letting him out or demanded to attend a meeting in a hotel room by a woman wearing only a bathrobe.
This has led Tom to plaintively ask, “What does Al Franken have that I don’t”.
First daughter Busty TommySue is spearheading a massive sexual harassment suit involving billions of women who have made sexual harassment allegation against Oedipus the King. TommySue says that she may be contacted via Twitter at #stopOeipus
While it may be too late to get Sigmund Freud to testify and some claims may be beyond the statute of limitations, there should be ample experts and others willing and able to testify.
CC- Gloria Allred
In his worst humiliation to date, The Tom lost out on being Time magazine’s Person of the Year by a Hashtag formerly known as #MeToo. A Fake News investigation has been opened to be headed by a suddenly unemployed Robert Mueller.
The Tom wondered can a Hashtag even Tweet?
As 2017 rolled in, the Bitcon was bringing in a bit below $1,000. Lately it is bringing in over %10,000 or a tenfold return on a highly fictitious investment.
Let all who can tell where the Bitcon came from and how it is “mined” come forward and explain to Tom how he can get involved.
Tom is feverishly working on a plan for the resurgence of Charlie Rose (Roe Colored Glasses) career.
As part of the process, Tom has prepared a list of potential career assets for Charlie to decide to emphasize. Initial brainstorming has come up with the following assets.
a) Charlie’s guests are smarter than the rest of America.
b) Charlie is much smarter than his guests.
c) He loves Barack O’TomA
d) He hates The Donald.
e) He can see mental flaws in The Donald that he can’t see in himself.
f) He is the smartest man in America
g) High potential to be the next America’s Top Bathrobe model
h) b & f
i) All of the above.
“There is no limit to how much we can milk this account” chortled Tom.